Posted by: Lady Optimistic | September 27, 2019

Balance – Support – Balance

Icarus – Bullfinch

Thrice – Daedalus – Live

I stand on the cliffs with my son next to me
This island our prison, our home
And everyday we look out at the sea
This place is all he’s ever known
But I’ve got a plan, and some
Wax and some string, some feathers I stole from a bird
We leap from the cliff and we hear the wind sing a song thats too perfect for words
But son, please keep a steady wing
And know your the only one that means anything to me
Steer clear of the sun, or you’ll find yourself in the sea
Now safely away, I let out a cry
We’ll make the mainland by noon
But Icarus climbs higher still in the sky
Maybe I’ve spoken too soon
But son, please keep a steady wing
And know your the only one that means anything to me
Steer clear of the sun, or you’ll find yourself in the sea
Wont you look at your wings
They’re coming undone
They’re splitting at the seams
Steer clear of the sun, for once wont you listen to me?
Oh God!
Why is this happening to me?
All I wanted was new life for my son to grow up free
And now you took the only thing that meant anything to me
I’ll never fly again, I’ll hang up my wings
Oh God!
Why is this happening to me?
All I wanted was new life for my son to grow up free
And now you took the only thing that meant anything to me
I’ll never fly again, I’ll hang up my wings
Oh God!

I had the most profound experience yesterday.  An epiphany maybe?  A complete stranger told my life story, in front of me, to a room full of no less than 90 college freshmen.  In actuality it was everyone’s story, except I was boldly present, not only in the first chapter, with the rest of room, but I sat, solely alone, in the second chapter.  Naked in front of the rest of the class.  And of course, this was made worse by the fact that I hadn’t even heard this ionic story of freedom and balance before.

It was my motherhood story, but for the first time I *heard* it, saw it, felt it in my bones.  I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.  But, to see myself so plainly for the first time burns with excitement.  I hope this moment changes everything – changes me.  I don’t feel like me right now.  I feel like someone completely.  I feel strong.  Powerful.

But how will I feel when I go hame?  The dishes are still waiting to be washed.  My children still need to be driven to soccer practices – and picked up!  I still gotta make chili dogs for dinner.  The mundane busy-ness – the daily stuff that anchors my head below the waves of creativity.

Can I keep this moment, this feeling, this epiphany alive?  I’ll let you know after the chili dogs, if I haven’t passed out on the couch from such a rigorous day!

-I wrote this yesterday, right after the class I was sitting in on.  And today, as I type it out, I see at the end where I kinda make light of things.  But its not meant to be light.  Its true.  Its truth.  As Daedalus, I have responsibilities that, while mundane, are the thread and wax for the wings, and the example for the moderations I desperately want my children to learn to know when to use.

I want them to fly as close to the sun as possible, and its up to me to be the example of when and how to exercise moderation.  And to show them how to maintain theirs wings, so that they and their wings grow strong and confident.

So simple.  So profound.  The most challenging confrontation there could possibly by.

Balance – Support – Balance

This story should be printed on a card that is handed to the parents of new borns by the doctor in the delivery room about five minutes after the baby has arrived and the initial hubbub of birth has quieted.

 

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Posted by: Lady Optimistic | April 16, 2019

Daily Writing Habit

I haven’t got one. But I want one. I could give it to myself. I could give myself permission to just type a little, daily. It might be fun.

Like right now. I am supposed to be working, so I am stealing a few moments to think. Actually it happened because something went wrong and I need a break from figuring it out 🙂

See ya tomorrow?

Posted by: Lady Optimistic | September 15, 2018

Chrome ! GAH!!!

So they changed chrome again.  Its supposed to be all cute and nice and simple.  But.. GAH!!!  They took out your name on the top right corner of the window?!?!?!  For someone like me, who has at least 7 difference identities open at once, I need to look up there and see who I am.

It took about a day an a half but I found an article that tells you how to fix this.  You loose the new, sexy look, but at least you know who you are!!!

chrome://flags

search for UI and change it from Default to Normal.

Click relaunch and you’ll have your life back!

Posted by: Lady Optimistic | January 1, 2018

So I Find Myself Here Again…

Another new year and more resolutions.  There’s so much to do, so here I am checking in.

Posted by: Lady Optimistic | July 7, 2017

LYL:4

What am I proud of?  Me.  I am great.  And I do great stuff.  Sometimes I mess up, but overall, I am great.  I try really hard and most of the time I succeed.

That having been said, I am nowhere near perfect.  Which, I think, is acceptable.

Posted by: Lady Optimistic | July 7, 2017

Marcus Aurelius

You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find your strength.
—Marcus Aurelius

Will tackle Meditations this year.  Can’t imagine my writings could be quite as inspirational, direct, or helpful, but a girl can dream.

BTW – Have recently taken to reading on a Kindle Fire.  Gotta say, “I LOVE IT. I. LOVE. IT!”

Posted by: Lady Optimistic | July 5, 2017

LYL:3 People Thank Me For

I am a server.  Its how I see the world, and how the world sees me.  So they don’t thank me much.  I do it and, whatever it is, makes things better for everyone else, and I feel good.   And they feel good.  And we move forward.

I suppose I could want to be thanked, or even expect to be thanked, but for the people around me to be happy is all the thanks I need.

My people aren’t ungrateful.  I am appreciated.  And to be expected to be the person who can “bring the rain” makes me feel good.

Its my zen to serve.  And to be allowed to serve.

 

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
—Marcus Aurelius
Posted by: Lady Optimistic | July 5, 2017

LYL:2 Accountability

I am supposed to get an accountability body.  But mine is trekking the Sierra Nevada’s with a bunch of girls in green vests.  They said I could find one on their facebook group, but it will be the coldest day in HELL when I use facebook.  I have no digital foot print, and I like it that way.  Sharing is caring, but not in the facebook world.

So, I am left to twist in the wind, accountable only to myself.  I can do this.  I want to do this, so…  My lemonade is my own accountability.

BTW – Bunny and I were talking the other day and I had a title for my book, and now I can’t remember it.  I will have to ask her if she remembers.  There’s some accountability.  If she does, then I gotta write the book.

Posted by: Lady Optimistic | July 3, 2017

Tell Us Your Story

My story is long, but the best part is it keeps getting better.  Mother, wife, gig-economist… When I was 8 years old I road the NYC subway to school and back, alone everyday.  When I got home I made dinner for me and my father.  I don’t ride subways much anymore – since moving to earthquake country, but I still cook.

Cooking is my passion and my zen.

I meander, and focus is a challenge.  But that is okay with me.  I smell the roses.

Posted by: Lady Optimistic | July 3, 2017

Spending the Day with Bunny

Bunny is my best friend from childhood.  More than any other person, it was through her that I found a mooring.  In a sea of chaos she was always there, and still is.

We spent the day together on Friday last.  It was the best feeling in the world.  She is, as she always was, calm, together, insightful and compassionate.  We talked about her mom, whom Bunny is very much like.  We talked about how women of our generation were the first born of the modern Women’s liberation movement.  We talked about those implications and challenges.  And she talked about how she saw me as a child.

While I saw myself as a living mess, she saw the most self-sufficient person she’s ever known.

How amazing is that?!?!?!

I would like to take the second half of my 50th year and reflect on who I was, and how I am still that person.  And how I am making this life what I want it to be.

 

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